Speaking Truth in Love: How to Build Up the Body of Christ

In Ephesians, Paul shows us how to live a life firmly rooted in God’s word and love. As we reach the halfway point in our study of this powerful book, we discover that God’s very nature is agape love – self-giving, sacrificial love. When our lives are rooted in this kind of love, we’re rooted in God Himself.

But how do we root ourselves in a love that surpasses human knowledge? One essential way is learning to speak the truth in love.

What Does It Mean to Speak Truth in Love?

Speaking the truth in love means being honest, gentle, and telling the truth with kindness. When we live this way – when we become truth-tellers with humility – we begin to experience God’s love in a whole new way.

Think about what Jesus called “truth bombs” – statements so strikingly honest they catch people off guard. Jesus was a master at dropping truth bombs, but His were always rooted in love. They weren’t meant to tear people down, win arguments, or feed pride. They were meant to build people up, not to shame but to free.

Jesus’ Examples of Speaking Truth in Love

With the rich young ruler in Mark 10, Jesus felt genuine love for him before telling him to sell his possessions. This hard truth wasn’t meant to shame the man but to invite him to freedom from his idol of wealth.

With the woman at the well in John 4, Jesus’ truth bomb about her five husbands wasn’t to crush her but to open her eyes to her need for grace. Her response showed it worked – she ran back to her village proclaiming the Messiah had come!

Truth spoken in love brings transformation. This is how we grow in our faith and become more like Jesus.

The Calling We Have Received

Paul begins Ephesians 4 by urging us to “lead a life worthy of your calling.” What’s surprising is how simple he makes it: “Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.”

Many of us think a “calling” means becoming a pastor or missionary. But Paul is talking about something every Christian has – the calling to reflect Jesus right where you are, in your everyday life.

This may not sound flashy or exciting, but it’s powerful. When your life is rooted in God’s love, qualities like patience, gentleness, and kindness change everything about you. People will want to be around you because you’re different – you reflect Jesus.

Built Up, Not Puffed Up

God desires that His church grow up. He wants us to be built up in maturity, looking and acting more like Jesus every day. He doesn’t want a church full of self-absorbed infants but an army of sacrificial servants.

Christians who stockpile knowledge but never translate it into love, service, or action are merely “puffed up” – full of air with no substance. God’s desire is much grander. He wants us to experience His presence, His voice, His love – and then pour that into others.

The Purpose of Church Leadership

Christ gave the church apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers for a reason – to equip people for works of service. The Greek word for “equip” (katartismon) is a medical term meaning to repair, mend, or strengthen – like resetting a broken bone so it can heal properly.

That’s what church leadership is about – helping broken people heal so they can be used in God’s kingdom. Churches aren’t for perfect people; they’re for broken people because this is where healing happens. But once healing occurs, we must get back to serving Christ.

The Results of Speaking Truth in Love

When we speak truth in love, several powerful things happen:

It Helps You Avoid Pitfalls

• Misunderstandings decrease because your message lands better
• Resentment diminishes as truth wrapped in kindness prevents bitterness
• Conflict de-escalates rather than escalates
• Gossip is prevented as you go directly to people instead of talking behind their backs
• Mistrust is replaced with respect as you build a reputation for honesty and kindness
• Superficial relationships become deeper and more authentic

It Builds Everyone Up

• Relationships grow stronger through trust and respect
• Integrity becomes clearer as your words align with your values
• Conflicts resolve in healthier ways
• People are inspired by your example
• You become a godly influence on those around you

How to Speak Truth in Love

Living this way isn’t complicated, but it takes courage. Here are five practical steps:

1. Speak honestly – Share from your heart, don’t run from conflict, don’t stay silent out of fear
2. Speak with compassion – Always have the other person’s best interest in mind
3. Choose the right time – Be considerate of circumstances and emotional states
4. Use a gentle tone – How you say something matters as much as what you say
5. Listen well – Don’t do all the talking; give others space to respond

When you consistently speak the truth in love, people know they can trust you. They learn you’re a safe person. They don’t have to guess where they stand with you because your honesty and kindness are steady.

Life Application

This week, commit to being intentional in your relationships. Choose one relationship where you need to speak truth in love. Before you have that conversation:

1. Pray for wisdom and the right words
2. Consider the best time and place for the conversation
3. Check your motives – are you speaking to help or to hurt?
4. Practice what you’ll say, focusing on “I” statements rather than accusations
5. Be prepared to listen more than you speak

Ask yourself: Where am I avoiding speaking truth because I’m afraid of conflict? Where am I speaking truth without love? How might my relationships transform if I committed to both truth AND love?

Remember, this isn’t just for pastors or church leaders – it’s for every believer. God has invited us all to live with humility, gentleness, patience, and love. This shapes how we treat people in our everyday lives. The good news is that God has already equipped you for this calling. As you live this way, your integrity will grow, your influence will spread, and your life will impact others as you follow Jesus.